Third Annual Nigerian Email Conference

Abuja, Nigeria, November 7-9: "Don't miss this opportunity to learn how to write better emails, and make better moneys," says Mr. Laurent Mpeti Kabila, a senior assistant leader of the Revolutionary United Front of Sierra Leone.

"I present to you an urgent and confidential request for your attendance at The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference. This is an opportunity to meet your distinguished colleagues, learn new marketing techniques, and spend your hard-earned money. Attending this conference demands the highest trust, security and confidentiality between us.

The Keynote Address: Dr. Hamza Kalu adds historical perspective in his speech: "From Postal Scams To Email Scams: We Have Come a Long Way Infant Child."

The Kick-Off Breakfast: (Your choice) A hard-boiled egg, or two slices of white bread and a cricket.

Click here for full conference details.

On This Day: Welcome, Mayflower!

November 19, 1620, Cape Cod: The Mayflower dropped anchor today, bringing our first settlers to this continent. Let's all welcome them:

Yoohooo! Settlers! Ahoy, maties! Yoohoo!

On This Day: The UFO and Kafka

Greenwich Royal Observatory, November 17, 1882: The Royal Astronomer witnessed an Unidentified Flying Object today and described it as a "strange celestial visitor -- a circular object glowing green". Shades of Sir Ernest Glitch!

London, November 17, 1988: The original manuscript of the classic novel, The Trial (1925), by Franz Kafka, sold today at Sotheby's for £1 million, a world record for a modern literary text. Kafka had died from tuberculosis in 1924, having published almost nothing in his lifetime. He wrote most of these stories and novels while holding down a day job at the post office.

Although many literary critics have found deep allegorical meaning in these works, the rumor is that Franz and his brother used to read them aloud, and fall about on the floor, laughing. We are quite possibly indebted to Franz Kafka for the handy abbreviation "ROFLMAO", which means "Rolling On Floor, Laughing My A** Off." Thank you, Franz.

Jupitus Astoundus

Outer Solar System, Milky Way, 2003: The Cassini spacecraft, being in the neighborhood, has taken 27 snapshots of Jupiter, and NASA folk have assembled them into a very detailed portrait of Jupiter, shown here.

Our solar system's largest planet is eleven times the diameter of Earth, and may be made entirely of gas so it has no solid surface. In other words, nobody walking around, looking up at the beautiful 62 moons.

Walking would be tough anyway -- the gravity would crush you into a teacup -- and you'd be short of breath, as the air is made up of water (damp for breathing), ammonia (stings your eyes), and hydrogen sulfide (stink gas). It's windy, too. Little breezes up to 300 miles per hour are common.

The detailed patterns are actually huge clouds. Near the lower middle of the picture is the Great Red Spot. It's a swirling vortex of gas, large enough to swallow our entire planet of Earth.

The Cassini space probe also recently recorded the sound of a solar flare. More information about Cassini's mission, and more photographs of Jupiter are available .

Kind of makes you stop and consider the size of things.

No? Well, that's about the size of it.

Driving Into Winter

Mount Shasta: Adrienne and I went for a Sunday Drive. On the map there's this little lake called "Crystal Lake", some few miles beyond Lake Siskiyou. A week ago we had snow on the ground, but it's long gone now, and Sunday being bright and clear, we went to find this Crystal Lake.

Just past the Lake Siskiyou turn-off we found the road, and turned up the hill. The woods were auburn and lofty above us, and the sunlight streaming down upon the winding road.

A quarter-mile up the road, and higher on the hill, we found a sprinkling of snow beneath the shady trees. As we drove the next quarter-mile, suddenly the snow covered the road, and soon after, the road was frozen with six inches of snow.

We stopped and turned around. Crystal Lake can wait.

I've never before had the experience of driving from Fall into Winter. But there it was.

On This Day: Dr. Livingston, I Presume?

Ujiji on Lake Tanganyika, November 10, 1871: Henry Morton Stanley was sent to Africa by his newspaper to find Scottish missionary David Livingstone.

Today he finally found him and made contact with the words: "Dr. Livingstone, I presume."

So Long -- Dylan Thomas R.I.P.

November 9, 1953: Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, author of Under Milk Wood, died at age 39, following the consumption of 18 stiff whiskies which put him into an alcoholic coma, from which he ne'er saw light o'day eremore.

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like
who drinks as much as you do."
-- Dylan Thomas

On This Day: Paradise Lost and Dracula

November 8, 1674: The blind English poet John Milton died at the age of 65. A student once wrote in an essay on Milton: "He got married and wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained."

Dublin, November 8, 1847: Bram Stoker was born today. This is important because he grew up and wrote Dracula. One summer afternoon in the middle of our sunlight-flooded back yard, at the age of 13, I shuddered to read how the dog jumped off the boat. And Miss Lucy ... ugh!

Joe Bob's Week in Review

JoeBobBriggs.Com, November 1, 2003:

"Wildfires raged through three separate areas of southern California, stoked by the hot Santa Ana winds and beetle-infested dead trees and some dudes with matches.

"Tom Sizemore was sentenced to six months in the pokey for beating up Heidi Fleiss during their one-year relationship. The actor admitted to a crystal meth habit that he says caused him to hit her in the jaw, because otherwise he could have lived happily ever after with his ex-convict callgirl pimpstress.

"Wheaton College, a fundamentalist Bible school in Illinois, lifted its 143-year ban on dancing and is planning its first school dance. The first song will be, of course, Theme from 'Footloose'."

Like these news stories? Lots more can be found on The Joe Bob Report.

On This Day: The Saxophone and Tchaikovsky

Dinant, Belgium, November 6, 1814: Adolphe Sax is born, and will eventually invent the saxophone. The saxophone never became popular during his lifetime, as it was considered an illegitimate instrument, and not fitten to be played. Then along came that no-account jazz music, and musicians who thought differently. Without Mr. Sax, what would have become of Paul Desmond, Stan Getz, and Jim Grantham?

St. Petersburg, November 6, 1893: Composer Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky died after drinking unboiled water during a cholera epidemic. His last work was Symphony No. 6, the Pathetique. (For the exclusive benefit of Sir Ola, I'd like to add that Tchikovsky was also famous for the beautiful Le Sacre du Printeps.)

Powers of Ten

Going from mongo-big numbers, down to teentsy-weentsy numbers is always hard to fathom, for such as the Bloggard. But they say a picture is worth a thousand rodeos, so without adoing further, let's visit some real big and real small pictures ...

View the Milky Way at 10 million light years from the Earth. Then move through space towards the Earth in orders of magnitude until you reach a tall oak tree just outside the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory in Tallahassee, Florida.

After that, move from the actual size of a leaf into a microscopic world that reveals leaf cell walls, the cell nucleus, chromatin, DNA, and the subatomic universe of electrons and protons.

It's here: The Universe from big to teentsy.