Ron's Chinese Dinner

Canoga Park, California, Summer 1962: Ron, the Megatar shop foreman, was a junior in High School, and his pal Johnny Blevins worked for Lim's Chinese Food restaurant at Sherman Way and Topanga Canyon Boulevard. One day Johnny told Ron he needed some help.

"I've got to go on a vacation with my parents," Johnny said, "and if I don't get somebody to fill in for me at Lim's, I'll lose my job!" Ron stared.

"What do you do?" he asked.

"All you do is answer the phone," Johnny said. "Mr. Lim doesn't speak English very good, so you just take the orders. It's just for a week."

"OK," Ron said.

"And ask him to feed you," Johnny said, "That's part of the deal. He's supposed to give you dinner."

"OK," Ron said.

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Bear Tangled with Rabbit, and Lost

Highway 89: Chad Henson from Mount Shasta was driving toward McCloud this morning, and as he neared the Ski Park, a big bear came barrelling down the slope, across oncoming traffic, and careened into Chad's Volkswagen Rabbit.

"I slammed on my brakes," Chad said, "but the bear didn't even slow down."

The Rabbit survived. The bear didn't.

Sunset Dinner Train

McCloud, California: Today I knocked off building megatars early, and went home for a rest and a bath, because I'm being taken to dinner on the train!

McCloud is a former mill town, ten miles around on the south side of the mountain. Very scenic it is, and at the depot we checked in and got large tickets. After a spell of sitting and watching the other passengers milling around, the conductor came along calling "All aboard!"

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Telemarketers, The Eternal

[From Bankrate.com:] Yet more responses for your telemarketer-calling pleasure --

I KNOW YOU!
As soon as the telemarketer identifies himself, you exclaim: "Bill? Bill! Is that you? Wow! It's been forever! What have you been doing all this time?"

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Seasons

Spring in Mount Shasta, 2004: More than anyplace I've lived, the seasons here arrive with a flourish. In our yard, the pear tree already sports thick white blossoms in the chill early air. The sunlight peeps over the mountain and slants down into our back yard.

The apple tree sprouts tiny pink flowers above the deck, the birch on the corner shapes itself into a shower of green, and the lilac outside the big window grows leaves and white blossoms as you watch. Time flows. The force that through the green fuse drives the flower.

Spring. And I'm 60 today.

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Pankaj, the Exchange Student

San Francisco, 1977: Last Fall, after I'd started Network Answering Service in my studio apartment at 495 Third Avenue, the company began slowly to grow. I'd hired Bob, first just to relieve me, but as clients increased eventually I had to increase his hours, and then we began hiring Operators, which we called "OPs."

During that same time, Doug Faunt wired up my new Cromemco computer, and I wrote a new bookkeeping program, for sending out the bills to this growing number of customers. One of my OPs named Hugh, a lanky jazz pianist, came in all excited about a dream he'd had, in which our Cromemco computer was called "Mr. Suitcase." And from then on, Hugh insisted on referring to the computer as Mr. Suitcase. Soon everybody called the computer Mr. Suitcase.

And before long, I needed to hire a bookkeeper to operate Mr. Suitcase and my new bookkeeping program.

When we advertised, in walked Pankaj.

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Obligatory Daylight-Savings Time Story

Dallas, Texas, Spring 1966: The first time Texas got Daylight Savings Time, Paul the Bellman laid down the law!

Yes, folks, early this morning you were supposed to set your clocks ahead -- Spring Forward, Fall Back! -- and that means I get to tell my Daylight-Savings Time story, about when I was the room clerk at the Cabana Hotel in Dallas.

So here it is. Click here to hear the story. No, really. Even if you heard it last time, you should hear it again. Because that's the way it 'spozed to be.

A Letter to Her Son

From Adelle Hawkins
Handsaw, Texas

Dear Son,

I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. I read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles from home, so we moved. I won't be able to send the new address though, because the family who lived here before took the house letters with them so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is nicer than the old place. There is a washing machine but I don't know how to work it yet. I put some clothes in it and pulled the chain and haven't seen the clothes since.

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On This Day: Burger King Announces Left-Handed Whopper

USA Today newspaper, April 1, 1998: In a full-page advertisement today, Burger King Corporation of Miami, Florida, has introduced their new "Left-Handed Whopper," especially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans.

According to Burger King, the new whopper contains the same ingredients as their popular Whopper hamburger sandwich; however, all the condiments have been rotated a full 180 degrees, for the benefit of left-handed customers.