On This Day: Joe Bob Briggs Explains 'Yee-HAW!'

Mount Shasta, CA, December 31, 2006: Recently, when Adrienne was writing our Christmas cards, she asked me how to spell 'Yee-HAW'. If you live in a foreign country and do not know, this is something that Texas people like to yell out; it connotes extreme enthusiasm. For example, in the movie Dr. Strangelove, when Slim Pickens rides the H-Bomb, he yells, "Yee-HAW! Yee-HAW! Yee-HAW!" This signifies his happiness in the moment.

Since Adrienne is from the East Coast, she didn't know how to spell it, and so I told her. But that got me to thinking ...

Where did 'Yee-HAW' come from? What is its origin? Did it come down to us through the ages, or was it just something that some cowboy yelled out one day while riding a wild horse, and somehow it caught on?

Naturally, these questions made me think of Joe Bob Briggs -- the best drive-in movie reviewer in the greater Grapevine, Texas area -- who is a veritable font of crucial information that we sorely need in these troubled times. If anybody would know, I reasoned, it would be Joe Bob Briggs, who is a close personal friend of mine. So I asked him.

Here is his answer ...

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So Long -- How James Brown Wrote Those Songs

Cabana Hotel, Dallas, 1966: Sometimes I was a desk clerk, and twice a week I filled in for the night auditor. This is the cashier who works the midnight shift and balances the day's charges for the rooms and restaurants and the bars in the hotel.

It was a fancy hotel. Sometimes famous people stayed there. This particular night it was James Brown and his entire band, the Famous Flames. He came strutting through the lobby, looking just like he was 'spozed to. No cape tonight. Disappeared into the elevators.

Later, lounging on the huge round sofa in the lobby, I had the opportunity to talk with a couple of the band members, who were relaxing after the gig.

"How does he write those songs?" I asked.

They told me.

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On This Day: A Christmas Story

Somewhere in the South Pacific, Christmas Day, 1942: Back on my grandparents' farm, the three brothers had grown up together.

My uncle Eugene, the oldest, and Richard had joined the navy. My uncle Robert, the youngest, had joined the army. Eugene and Richard were assigned different duties and different ships because they were family members. So each was alone, like any sailor or soldier in wartime.

Robert became a medic in the army, and was stationed in the South Pacific, and so when he saw a certain ship in port, he hurried down to mail call, hoping to ask for news of Eugene, for Eugene had been on that ship some months earlier.

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Eddy Frank and the Courthouse Keys

Henrietta, Texas, 1958: Eddy Frank and I were wandering in the halls of the courthouse. The ceilings are perhaps eighteen feet above us, the smell of old varnish and smoke clings to the walls.

There are two bathrooms. One says 'White' and one says 'Colored'. The White bathroom is floored in tiny white hexagonal tiles, with ancient cracks across the floor. I do not know how the Colored bathroom is floored.

We had a reason for being there. A good reason.

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A Tiny History of Henrietta, Texas

Henrietta, Texas: The Texas Department of Transportation took this photograph in 1939, but the Clay County courthouse was built in 1884, of red brick and sandstone.

One hundred and fifty years ago, the year being 1857, Clay County was separated out from Cooke County, and the new county seat was decreed to be renamed Henrietta. I don't know what it was named before that. I wasn't there, nor anyone else that I know. The accepted story when I was growing up was that the county seat was actually somewhere else, and cowboys roped the small, original courthouse building and dragged it to Henrietta.

The original courthouse had later become the original jail, and then it became the original library, and then it became ... empty. When I was a child, one could see the tiny, one-room building where it sat, boards over the windows, beside the large and dank stone jailhouse. So this story must have been true, because you could see the building.

Henrietta sits along what is now U.S. Highway 287, twenty miles south of Wichita Falls. The name 'Henrietta' is sometimes attributed to Henry Clay, after whom Clay County is named, but other folks claim that it was named for his wife, whose name was Lucretia. Makes no sense either way.

But way back then, by 1860, Henrietta had grown hugely, to ten houses and a general store, and there were 107 real people and two slaves. A Post Office opened in 1862, so that these folks living on the then far western edge of civilization could send and receive letters.

Unfortunately, the pesky Civil War broke out, the soldiers withdrew, the letters stopped, and the pesky Indians found it much easier to kill the pesky white settlers. Soon the town was abandoned, with strange Indian signs scrawled upon the walls -- an early form of grafitti -- though soon after, the walls were burned to the ground.

After the Civil war, a Doctor Elderidge brought a small group of settlers to attempt to rebuild the ruins, but after several folks were killed, the rest gave it up. Then a Quaker named Goodleck Koozer -- no, really. Goodleck Koozer -- brought his family to Henrietta ruins in 1870. He didn't carry weapons, and believed that the Indians would be kind to him if he treated them fairly.

Alas, he was sadly mistaken.

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On This Day: Fahrenheit Strikes while Iron is Hot

Germany, December 22, 1714: The mercury thermometer was invented by Daniel Fahrenheit, a maker of scientific instruments. So as to be able to operate his new invention, he later worked out the Fahrenheit temperature scale in 1724. So during the ten years in between, people could see that it was hotter or colder, but they couldn't really say how much. Join us now for a scene observed one summer afternoon in 1720 at Hans Heinrich's Biergarten just outside the village of Hamberg, out on das patio:

First guy: "Say, mein pal, how hot is it?"

Other guy: "It is, vell, kind of hot, but maybe not so hot as was yesterday."

First guy: "Oh? How hot it was yesterday?"

Other guy: "I dunno. Pretty hot."

First guy: "Well, look at thermo-meter! It's right there on das wall!"

Other guy: "I am looking! I am looking!"

First guy: "Say! You are trying to get smart mit me?"

Other guy: "Who vants to know, mister weiss guy?"

First guy: "Dot does it!"

[Fight breaks out. Finally, Mr. Fahrenheit works out some numbers for the thermo-meter, and peace returns to Hans Heinrich's Biergarten.]

Bloggito, Ergo Sum

Bloggistry, noun, the artistry of blogging. From O.E. Blaugt, to fall into a well, yelling loudly, from Arch. Lat. Bloggum, to chew with one's mouth open, in a loud and disgusting manner, showing one's table-mates more than they wanted to see of the mastication process.

Earliest known quotation: "To bleaugh, to plough whyle burping, 'tis blaggy, blaggy dew. Bloggum, bloggum, all thee day long, 'tis not so naice of yew." -- from the Three Canticles of Clackmeyer mss., circa 1502.

Law 23 of Human Perception

This is a simple law of nature, but one which is very handy:

A human tends to see what the human expects to see.

That's it. It's just the way we put things together in our minds. If there is a gray cat in your neighborhood named JoeBob and you see a gray cat, you're extremely likely to think it is JoeBob, even it is some other cat altogether.

If your Aunt Mabelline always scowls when she sees you, when you visit and she opens the door -- even if she has a perfectly blank expression because she's having a deja vu about a long-forgotten lover, or maybe her underwear itches -- you'll probably see a scowl on her face.

Because you expected to see something, you 'Interpreted' your senses, and you saw it.

Once I had to give up a really cool business name because of this law.

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One's True Nature

The snake begged the frog for a ride across the stream.

The frog expressed fear, but the snake reassured him, pointing out that should the snake bite the frog then both would die.

The frog agreed. And mid-stream, the snake bit the frog.

"Why did you do that?" asked the frog, "Now we'll both die." The snake just smiled.

"I'm sorry," he said, "but I'm a snake."

My Rosicrucian Adventure

Henrietta, Texas, August 1955: In a magazine, I'd seen the advertisement for the Rosicrucians. Being eleven, I was uncertain what a Rosicrucian might be, but they did promise to provide the Secrets of the Universe. That sounded pretty handy, so I sent off for free information.

Information. Free.

When the free information came, I was clear that it was free, though somewhat less clear just what the information might be. It looked very mystical, and had old and mysterious drawings of wise looking fellows and words in a wierdo alphabet, and astrological signs and odd chemical equipment. It seemed important.

I just wasn't sure how. Or what it all meant. Or what to do, exactly.

However, my cousins were younger, and so I figured that however little I knew, they knew less.

From this August beginning came "The Mystical Order of the Golden Dagger".

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Law 23 of Conspiracy Theories

This is a simple law of nature, but one which is very handy:

Humans in groups are generally clumsy, and damn few humans are skillful enough to actually create a Conspiracy.

That's it. The vast majority of things that go wrong are doing so because humans can not work together, and not because some skillful group of humans is both effective and secret.

For example, let's say that I'm concerned about global warming, and about fossel fuels, and about the gubbamint.

Does this mean that I decide to give up driving my Ford Focus grandly about the town?

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Dihydrogen Monoxide Alert

March 15, 2004, Aliso Viejo, CA: City officials of this small town (just north of San Clemente, CA) proposed legislation to ban foam cups from the town.

A city-government paralegal had uncovered evidence that foam cups were manufactured using a substance known as 'dihydrogen monoxide,' when he found a well-designed web site describing the dangerous properties of this chemical.

As it turns out, the online site about Dihydrogen Monoxide was created by 14-year-old Nathan Zohner, who was researching the gullibility of ninth grade students in his school.

And they said it couldn't happen here!

Life and Death with Rex and Mike

Henrietta, Texas, Summer 1949: My mother, who worked as a nurse for her brother, Dr. Hurn, had made arrangements for me to stay with Mrs. Miller and her two boys.

Rex was older than me, and Mike younger.

One afternoon that last summer, before I began first grade at Lulu Johnson Elementary School, we all went to pick cotton. I suppose I should be grateful that I had this highly-touted southern experience, but what I learned was this:

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Law 23 of Roommates and Dishes

This is a simple law of nature, but one which is very handy:

Each roommate knows that he does more than half the dishes.

That's it. Just that simple. It's a law of human nature, as dependable as gravity, and it's caused by the way we see things.

For example ...

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Sponging at the Sorority House

North Texas State University, Denton Texas, 1962: When several of us lived in a house in Shady Shores on Lake Dallas, there was kind of a 'girl gang' who came to visit.

Jan was round and pretty, and she liked Hardy.

Jill was thin, clever, and funny, and I liked her.

Shayna was mature, beautiful, and she liked Paul, who was engaged somewhere else.

They'd all show up at the lake house. We laughed a lot. I remember nights with a bonfire on the beach, a lot of beer. I remember driving to some place where, again, we drank a lot of beer. I grew sleepy and closed my eyes and pretended to be blind for a while.

"Come on, blind man!" Shayna said, "Stay with us!"

She was Jewish, daughter of a well-to-do Dallas family who owned a milk company. I didn't know much about being Jewish and asked questions. She said they didn't believe in the Devil, and so I asked if she would sell me her soul.

She said she would.

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Running like the Wind

February 9, 2006, Mount Shasta: Adrienne took two dogs to the dog park, but came home with three dogs.

Charlie is a cross between a beagle and a border collie. He has the dark eyes of a beagle, looking very much like Rudolph Valentino. We almost named him Valentino, because we carried him to the Humane Society for the mandatory one week, and then adopted him on Valentine's day.

But he's a rugged young fellow, and 'Charlie' sounded more down to earth. Not that he stays down to earth. He runs like the wind. When she takes him to the dog park, he leaps the fence like it was nothing, and runs far, far to the east, in and out of the bushes, and then far, far to the west. Now you see him. Now you don't.

Other dog-park visitors call out, "Look! He's over there!" and point. And then they cry, "And look! Now he's way over there!"

Adrienne just smiles.

And, so far, he always comes back.

It's wonderful to watch him run. He flashes across the field, hardly seeming to touch the ground.

How wonderful to be an animal. He helps me to remember.

Back in Da Saddle Again

December 4, 2006: After being off the air, awaiting repairs after hacker damage -- apparently our server was needed to assist in sending important viagra spam to needy individuals in Brazil and Portugal -- the Adventures of Bloggard has again returned to the this spot on your internet dial. A new carborator, air in the tires, a coat of wax, and this weblog's as good as new. Maybe.

My last post was September of 2005. A year has passed. My how time flies when you're having fun. Maybe even when you're not.

During the year, Cowboy Charlie showed up, a beagle-border collie mix, and is now a part of our morning ritual. Charlie and Daisy Dog tussle, while Lizzie barks and barks and barks. Ah, the gentle morning.

A major upgrade in the Megatar shop is nearing completion, installing machinery of greater precision and volume, because we were falling behind on orders.

More to follow, from time to time.