Grass Blade Whistle

Weed, California June 18, 2008: Walking the dogs in the huge vacant lot toward the end of day, I plucked a thick blade from an uprising of wild grasses, and made a loud whistle. This both excited and alarmed the dogs. So we had a little game all the way back to the house. Loud whistle. Leap and gyrate. Loud whistle. Leap and gyrate. Loud whistle. Leap and gyrate. Damn, we had fun!

And this reminded me that, back in September of 2007, Darrel Blane, another Henrietta Texas boy, took the time to capture this wondrous technology on his weblog of photos, drawings, and musings, called Daily Art Mas O Menos (Daily Art more or less). He drew the illustrations with ink, graphite, and a Derwent wash pencil.

With his permission, I here reprint "How to Make a Grass Blade Whistle." Something every boy ought to know.

HOW TO MAKE A GRASS BLADE WHISTLE

Let's suppose you need to make a loud noise to frighten off a large wild animal (assuming you've encountered a large wild animal that can actually be frightened), or suppose you become lost or injured while hiking and need to signal your whereabouts, or let's suppose you are eight years old hanging out with your cousins in a small town in Texas with not much to do, trying to make as much noise as possible.

In that case you can make a really loud whistle from a grass blade. Strictly speaking it's not a whistle but a single reed instrument. A whistle has a fixed surface; a reed instrument has a moving surface vibrating against a fixed surface.

Whatever, it still is ear-splittingly loud.

Here's how to do it.

Find yourself a grass blade, or leaf, or something similar, longer than your thumb. Not a wimpy grass blade from a suburban lawn, but a native grass or weed that's tough, with about a finger's width to it.

Hold it between thumb and forefinger so the grass more or less drapes along the length of your thumb.



After holding it between thumb and forefinger with one hand, so the grass more or less drapes along the length of your thumb, catch the bottom end of the blade with your middle finger.

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How to Break a Glass

Some years ago, you probably saw that television advertisement for 'Memorex' brand recording tape, where the lady opera singer breaks a glass by singing a certain note. When you saw her doing that, you probably wanted to break a glass that way, too. I know I did.

Here's how to do it ...

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How to Make a tiny Zipgun

Henrietta, Texas, 1958: Billy Ray Johnson showed me how. You'll need a shotgun shell, a bicycle spoke, a kleenex, and some matches. Follow these instructions at your own risk.

Open the paper end of the shotgun shell -- carefully -- and take out the shot and the charge of gunpowder. Do not strike or mess with the firing cap on the metal end, because it can explode.

On one end of the bicycle spoke is a little knob, and on the other a removable sleeve. On the end with the knob, curl the spoke around to make a handle you can hold. On the other end, unscrew the sleeve and then screw it back reversed, but only screw it on about a quarter-inch. This will give you a tiny barrel sticking out.

Fill the barrel most of the way with gunpower, then wrap a bit of kleenex around one of the shot and push it into the barrel.

Hold the mini-zipgun facing away from yourself and everybody else. Outside, and clear of any pets is best. Heat the barrel with a match. Soon the gunpower will explode, shooting the shot somewhere. There is no telling where it will actually go.

Caution: the mini-zipgun is not a good choice for law enforcement or big-game hunting.

The Mobius Megatar

A Megatar is a musical instrument manufactured by the Mobius Megatar company, of which The Bloggard (aka Traktor Topaz) is the U.S. Manager.

The Megatar is similar to an electric guitar with a wider neck, on which are mounted six guitar strings, and also six bass strings. The strings lie close to the fretboard, and you don't have to strum or pluck them.

You just touch a string to the fret, and it plays.

Since you need not strum nor pluck strings, you can play with both hands at the same time. Much like playing bass and guitar at the same time, or like playing a piano on strings.

And guess what? It's easier to create music on the Megatar than learning guitar or bass or piano. That's because we've created a revolutionary new method that reveals the secret of playing quickly.

How is this possible?

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A House Not Bought

San Francisco, 1989: After selling the answering service, after my adventures as a private investigator, I'd finally given up the office flat at 3304 Geary Boulevard and was running Action800 voicemail company from a small office in our flat on Lyon street.

The flat was built into a garrett beneath the roof, four floors up, on the corner of Lyon and Oak. Our high kitchen windows overlooked Panhandle Park, and each year we'd awake one morning to the sound of thousands of runners passing on the Bay to Breakers race, and each year on another day we'd awake to see the stage of the San Francisco Mime Troupe. From our high windows front and back we could see the high tops of the victorian houses around us. Janice Joplin had lived in the blue house across the street, once upon a time.

From my tiny office, however, the windows opened only to show the roof of the next house, perhaps six feet away. An occasional gull walked the roof. Not much to see.

But in this room I discovered a house.

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My Seashell Collection

Some visitors may not know that I collect seashells. My collection is quite extensive. In fact, it's so large that I cannot store my seashells at my house, and so I store my seashells on various beaches around the world. Perhaps you have seen some of them.

May Day

As expected, I met Tim W., the last known paid web designer in San Francisco, in Townsend Center hallway. I carried a blogging book; still studying, you see. He suggested to search out favorite blauthors. Good idea.

Sure enough, Jon E. almost escaped. Due to the enslaving nature of the cell phone, however, he was impelled to return, and I signed paperwork on May Day. New home for voicemail numbers coming soon. This will make me mobile. Or, as we say in our slogan from the Abe's SuperBudget VoiceMail brochures, "Freedom to Move!"

Moving Phone Lines

Come to find out, there's a better way to set up voicemail lines than what I've been using for the last fourteen years.

I don't know if this always existed, or has just emerged from some new technological marvel. But it's here now, so I'm changing.

One day at a parade, Layla's Greg told me about this. Following up promptly a year later, I discover that my cost immediately drops in half, and by chance the cabinet is free.

But that's not all ...

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The Bloggardian Credits

"A Tiny History of Hurnville" -- most of this information comes from a written manuscript left in family papers, dated 1959, and written by my grandfather, Frank Hurn.

"A Tiny History of Henrietta, Texas" -- Aside from personal memories, the bulk of historical fact was, in proper scholarly fashion, stolen from the Handbook of Texas Online website. The historical summary there was written by Lisa C. Maxwell, who cites the Katherine Douthitt book "Romance and Dim Trails," (1938), the St. Clair book "Little Towns of Texas," (1982), and the William Taylor book "A History of Clay County," (1972). Much additional information can be found in my Uncle Eugene Hurn's book "A Pictoral History of Clay County," which can be found in the Henrietta library, or through the Henrietta/Clay County Historical Society.

Law 23 regarding Being, Doing, and Having. I first encountered the interesting concepts of Be - Do - Have in the writings of L. Ron Hubbard, of Scientology fame, although I have since found them and their analogues in several other places. In Hubbard's writings I also found the developed concept of 'Havingness' described in How to Pick Up Girls (Part 1).